


You're My Judge (Joshler)

by IdjitSherlockian



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, its basically they go to the same therapy place
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 23:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8264548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdjitSherlockian/pseuds/IdjitSherlockian
Summary: Tyler ends up in this waiting room once every week, and every time a man named Joshua Dun sits next to him.





	1. The Waiting Room

Everyday was the same. Get up, get dressed, eat, and stay inside the house doing absolutely nothing else. Yet, Tyler always found himself feeling tired.

Today was the same, except it was one of the rare occasions where he did, in fact, venture into the unknown for a few hours. Today was his therapy day.

Taking a deep breath and looking into his mirror, Tyler took a moment to inspect his face, noting the dark bags under his eyes. It wasn't as if they were new, standing out against his tan skin like oil in water. His hair was messy and dark brown, but he didn't care much to fix it. His eyes matched his hair, but their color seemed dull, almost lifeless. A strong jawline finished his face off, and while he was unshaven it didn't seem to matter much.

Throwing on his old jacket and timidly making his way out the door, Tyler got into his car and made his way to the therapist’s, glancing around wildly every few seconds. Good...nothing out of the normal yet. In fact, the day was almost...peaceful.

Sinking into a slightly more relaxed state, Tyler got out of his car. He looked around, his eyes falling upon a familiar vehicle parked not far from his own. A slight swell in his chest took over, and Tyler bit his lip slightly. Good, he was here.

Tyler did not know the owner of the vehicles name, but he sure as hell knew his face. Every therapy day he would be there, every time he would sit next to Tyler. Most of the time no words were exchanged, except for common pleasantries, yet the actions were almost...comforting to Tyler. The fact that for some reason, somehow that man had made an effort to be next to him 

Taking a deep breath and feeling the way his stomach released the air slowly, Tyler took a moment to calm himself before walking towards the double doors to the office.

The first thing Tyler always notices is the smell. It isn't bad, nor good, one that just give the air of sterile that made his nose tingle, making him want to desperately sneeze. Sort of like the smell of the hospital.

The second thing he would notice is dull colors of the room, muted greens and blues that were supposed to be calming, yet all they did was put Tyler on edge. It felt cold, in both temperature wise and in terms atmosphere.

“Ah, Tyler!”A warm voice jolted Tyler's attention to it, a lady at the desk beaming brightly at him. “Still weekly sessions I see.”

Nervously rubbing the back of his neck with a small, tight smile Tyler nodded. He hated this part. He just wanted to sit down and get this all over with.

“Well, let's get you checked in then, shall we?” Tyler forced another nod and smile, barely paying any attention to her questions as he repeated the answers he had given so often without even needing to hear her, he had been here so often it came almost naturally.

“Alright, all set! You'll be called back when the previous appointment is finished.”

Muttering his thank you, Tyler made his way into the waiting room, his eyes immediately landing upon the man who always sat by him.

His hair, dyed pink this time (it changed every month), was nearly hidden by a red baseball cap backward upon his head, only a bit of the faded pink sticking out from the opening on the top. His thin lips had turned upward in a smile as Tyler walked into the room, his eyes seeming to squint as he did so.

“You're late.” The man noted, resting his head on his hands as he seemed to inspect Tyler up and down for a moment.

Nervously making his way to his normal seat beside him, Tyler responded almost shyly, “The appointment before me got pushed a little later so they moved my appointment back a half hour.”

“Ah, that sucks. They try to keep everything nice and orderly here, especially for weekly patients.” He spoke from experience, Tyler knew. And it was true, they generally kept everything the same for patients who needed weekly visits. “Oh, I'm Josh by the way. We never actually introduced ourselves.”

Tyler liked his smile , and the way corners of his eyes crinkled when he did, it sort of eased him into a smile of his own. “My name’s Tyler.” He said, shifting in his seat.

“Well, it's nice to know your name, Tyler.” His beaming smile seemed to light up the dull room. “I know you must be uncomfortable talking, people here don't tend to talk much, me included.”

Tyler shook his head, that small smile sticking to his lips. This man was nice, a lot nicer then a lot of other people he had met here. “No, it's okay. I think...talking is good in situations like this.”

He shook his head slightly, ruffling his own hair as he seemed to slip into his own thoughts. Considering he didn't really have any friends at that moment, he had declared all of his others as heathens after the incident with him, a little bit of talking woild.be good for him.

“Well, that's good, because sitting here in this boring waiting room in utter silence gets pretty annoying at times.” Josh sighed a little bit after that statement, his eyes slipping over to look at Tyler again.

“Yeah, tell me about it. They should really put a TV here or something, maybe even some music. The silence can be sort of unnerving at times.” Tyler was talking a lot more than he usually did, but Josh made it easy. Made him actually want to talk, to get responses from what he was saying.

“Music would be nice.” Josh mused, tapping his fingers thoughtfully against his chin. “I'll have to bring it up to them sometime, maybe they'll put in a radio or something.”

Tyler's gaze slipped to the blue wall now, a quiet moment settling over him. His eyes became sort of unfocused as he let his mind wander.

He hated having to be here, in this freezing waiting room. Waiting to talk to someone about problems that would likely never go away, have them tell him possible ways to fix it and then when that doesn't work moving onto the next thing. 

He just wished he could go back to that night, stop himself from making the decisions he had. Maybe then he could live a semi normal life, though the anxiety wouldn't be gone even then.

Shaking his head a bit to stop tears from falling, Tyler chastised himself for letting his mind wander to thoughts like that. He couldn't afford to cry here, not if he wanted to go through with his plan of reducing sessions.

Tyler didn't notice Josh was watching him until he spoke up again, startling him. “If you don't mind me asking, uh, which therapist do you have?” He was grasping at strings to keep the conversation alive.

“Dr.Weekes. You?” Tyler replied, tilting his head slightly as his attention returned to the man. 

“Dr.Ross, now at least.” Josh replied, and Tyler could tell the conversation was nearly dead. He wasn't the best at small talk.

The opening of the door startled both of the patients as there attention turned to the door. There was Dr.Weekes, with a welcoming smile that Tyler could feel was fake from the moment he laid eyes on it.

“I'm ready to see you, Tyler.” 

Tyler got up as nerves settled into his stomach, his right hand clutching his wrist as he did so. As he got up he couldn't help but give a slight glance to the man beside him, who smiled as he did.

“I'll see you next week, Tyler.”

A smile returned to Tyler's lips as he followed Dr.Weekes, because for some reason, he looked forward to it.


	2. The Walls

“How are you, Tyler?” Dallon said concerned voice rang in Tyler's ears, all traces of the earlier smile gone. It had been replaced with stone cold monotony, trying his best to hide the emotions he normally and still did have.

“Better.”

“Have you been going out much?” Dr.Weekes asked, yet he knew the answer before Tyler could even answer.

“Yes.” No.

Dallon shook his head, sighing. “Tyler, if you want this to help you have to be cooperative and honest.” He had started to run his temples, and a feeling of guilt rushed through Tyler's chest and he let out a long exhale, sinking into the chair.

“I haven't left until today.” He admitted shamefully, listening to the sad sigh that left his therapists lips.

“That's what I thought. Tyler, first of all I'm going to say we keep weekly session.” Tyler could feel his eyes tearing up at this. “I also suggest that you at least attempt to talk to someone, anyone, even if it's only for a few minutes. Seclusion will make everything worse, maybe even try to join a club. What did you say you did in your free time again?”

“I listen to and make music.” Tyler said, not really listening anymore. It was the same old lecture, same thing he heard every week that he tried, but was always unsuccessful at doing.

“Try using that as an outlet.” Dallon crossed his legs and Tyler tried his best not to roll his eyes. This was literally almost a repeat of last week. “Oh, I know. What about Joshua Dun?”

Tyler's head snapped to the therapist, and his eyebrow raised in a questioning way. “Josh? The man in the waiting room?” He questioned incredulously, not seeing what Dallon could mean by that. He had only talked to Josh for a total of maybe an hour overall. 

“Today, when you were talking to him, you smiled. Actually smiled. I haven't seen you do that here yet.” He wasn't wrong. “Talking to me might be a little weird, and repetitive, but I feel that talking to Josh for even a little while might help. He's a great guy.”

“You know him?” Tyler questioned, dodging the rest of what he was saying.

“Yeah, I can't go into details about it, but I'll just say I think you two would get along.” Dallon seemed to inspect Tyler's face for a moment before glancing at the clock. “I don't think you wanna go over the time limit, do you?’ Tyler shook his head.

With a sigh Dr.Weekes got up, moving towards the door and opening it for Tyler. “Well, that was our thirty minutes. Take care of yourself, Tyler. Call me or the assistants if anything comes up.” Tyler wouldn't, but he nodded anyway.

He walked out without another word to the therapist, moving out the door and to the waiting room swiftly and quietly.

When he got out there, Josh was no longer in his seat.

\--

The next week went by with the same schedule. Eat, sleep, attempt to take a shower even though the attempts were often denied when he failed to bring up enough energy to even do that.

When the next therapy day came up, it sapped all of the energy from Tyler to even get out of bed to get ready. In the end he only managed to down enough toast to let the pills settle in his stomach without upsetting it and to change into a somewhat clean shirt and pants. Other than that, he didn't do much.

Today he went down the roads with difficulty, his hands shaking on the wheel the entire time. He was so nervous, so jumpy of everything, he was surprised he didn't get into a car crash on the drive there. Even he could tell that he was a mess.

He pulled in and got out of his car, rushing into the building, not willing to stand outside for another second. When he walked in the lady at the counter gave him a sad smile.

“Welcome back, Tyler.” He didn't respond this time. “Let's get you signed in.” 

The only thing he replied to were the questions, and when he finished them he headed right into the dull waiting room. His eyes fell upon the pink hair he'd grown to recognize.

Josh looked up when Tyler entered, a smile immediately placing itself on his lips. “Hey, Tyler.” 

Tyler gave an awkward sort of wave, sitting into his normal spot as his mind went back to the conversation Dallon had with him the previous session.

“Still got that later session, huh? Or am I just early? I don't really pay much attention to when I get here.” His eyes seemed to spark with liveliness, something Tyler didn't see often. Somewhere a voice in the back of Tyler's mind whispered that Josh had still noticed when Tyler was late, which meant he did pay attention to when Tyler arrived. He could feel his cheeks grow warm.

“You're not early, the sessions are still pushed back half an hour.” Tyler responded, forcing his voice from his throat. There was no reason to be rude to Josh to defy Dallon, no matter how much there was an itch to do so.

Josh let out a fake huff a relief, smiling at the reaction he got from Tyler. “Thank goodness! Being too early would be bad for my reputation of a procrastinator.” 

Tyler laughed, shaking his head at the joke. “Wouldn't want to ruin that reputation, would we?”

Josh grinned. “Nope, it's very important.” His eyes wandered to the walls now, a thoughtful look on his face. Tyler watched, not even aware of how creepy that could be interpreted as. He was intrigued by this man, which was different for him. He had lost most interest in humanity a long time ago.  
“Why do they use blue for the walls?” Josh asked after a moment, surprising Tyler. Of all things to be said, he questioned the walls.

“I think it's because studies have shown it's a calming color.” Tyler replied, his gaze turning to the chilly blue of the walls.

“I guess some people could find it calming, but blue could also be seen as...sad. Cold. They should have done something warm and welcoming, like orange.”

“Or like your hair…” Tyler said without thinking, watching Josh's eyes flick over to his and he shoved his face into his own hands. “I mean...like, pink. Pink would be good.” He murmured into them, his face feeling like it was on fire.

Josh smiled, watching the man, or boy really, beside him grow flustered. “Yeah, pink would be good. That reminds me, about the music suggestions for the waiting room, I wanted to ask you what-”

Josh was cut off by the sound of the door clicking open and Dr.Weekes’ voice cutting through the air. “I'm ready to see you, Tyler.”

Tyler sent a sad smile Josh's way, but Josh reached out and gently put a hand on Tyler's arm to keep him from leaving just yet. Tyler thought his heart might explode from his chest. “Hold on.” He dug into his pocket, pulling out a pen, extending his hand and looking expectantly at Tyler.

Tyler didn't seem to understand, so Josh grabbed Tyler's hand and and flipped it, writing what appeared to be his number on it. Pulling the pen away and inspecting his handiwork, Josh looked up and Tyler and grinned. “There, that way you can text me the answer later.”

Tyler stuttered out something similar to a thank you and wandered over to the door where his therapist was waiting, a dazed look on his face. Sending one more glance back at the smiling man, Tyler let the door shut behind him as his mind seemed to burst into fireworks.

Joshua Dun had just given him his number.


	3. Notifications

Tyler could hardly hear Dallon’s question when they got to the room, in fact Tyler hadn't even noticed he had sat himself in his normal spot automatically. His mind was still fixated on the beaming smile and number written on his arm.

He only snapped out of it when Dallon cleared his throat, speaking a little louder than before. “Tyler? Did you hear me?”

“Huh? Oh, no, I didn't. Sorry Dr.Weekes, I'm a little distracted.” Tyler watched his therapist’s face light up in what seemed to be a smile.

“I see. I heard you and Joshua talking before you followed me back. What's written on your hand?” He questioned, though Tyler was pretty sure he already knew. Even so, a bubble of embarrassed glee filled his chest and he rubbed the back of his neck with the hand that had no ink on it.

“It's Josh's phone number. He wanted me to have it so I could answer a question about music.” His head dipped down as he moved his gaze to the floor, attempting to hide the color that rushed to his cheeks.

“That's great Tyler! You need someone to talk to outside of therapy.” Tyler's heart dropped slightly at those words and he tried his best not to show it. They just reminded Tyler of how fucked his life was, how it was almost miraculous to Dallon that he had even spoke to someone outside of the necessary. The thought made his stomach churn.

Just like that the moment was over and the regular questions began, to which many of the answers were the same. Was he eating? Yes, enough to get by. Was he doing self care? Enough to where he could go into public once a week. Any episodes? Every. Damn. Day. How do you feel? As good as he could considering the situation.

Tyler didn't like to go into detail about the problems of his life. Maybe that was why he was having so much trouble in the therapy setting. He didn't like to be forced to talk about his problems, or to sit there and be judged by someone he didn't pick. 

Dallon seemed to notice the decrease in Tyler's mood, so the questions became more of him talking and Tyler listening, or pretending to at least. It was the closest they'd gotten to helpful moments in a while.

“Well, today's session is up.” Dallon said after what seemed like forever to Tyler passed, a sigh emphasizing his disappointment in the failure of that days session.

Tyler got up without a word, starting towards the door as Dr.Weeke’s goodbye hung in the air behind him. He just wanted out.

\--

When Tyler got home, he didn't fall into his normal routine that he had. The first thing he did was pull out his phone, seating himself on his couch and staring at the blank screen for a few cold, hard minutes before shifting it to the numbers on his hand.

...was he really going to do this?

He hardly knew this Joshua. In fact, other than one minute conversations in the weeks before, he had only technically talked to the man twice. Yet for some reason, Tyler found himself inputting the numbers into his phone.

Is this Josh? Tyler's finger lingered over the send button for a moment, and after a grapple with his conscience he pressed it.

It took a few minutes to get a response, but when it happened and he felt the buzz of the notification a smile touched Tyler's lips. He pulled out his phone once more, reading what Josh had said. Hey tyler! At least I'm assuming you're Tyler, unless you're some creepy stalker who somehow got my number.

A chuckle shook Tyler's body as he typed out a response. Nope, no crazy serial killer here. Just Tyler.

Phew! I was starting to get worried. Tyler was smiling, really smiling now. Joshua seemed to somehow manage to bring out the best side of him within a matter of minutes. Anyway, I'm glad you texted the number. What's your favorite genre of music?

Ah, relating it back to the original question while doing a sort of icebreaker question, how very smart of him, Tyler mused as he crafted his response. Little bit of everything I guess, though I guess rock bands would be the main when I'm not getting to play my own music.

J:Your own music? 

T:Yeah, I play the piano and the ukulele. Sometimes I sing too, I have some song lyrics I've written down I like to mess around with.

J:That's so cool! I play the drums a bit. Maybe we could meet up sometime and play?

T: Sounds cool to me.

Tyler wasn't sure how long he sat on that couch texting Josh, the topic drifting from one thing to another as the natural light around him dimmed into darkness as time progressed. When he finally decided that sleep was an important part of what he needed at the moment, Tyler decided to call it quits for the night.

T: I should probably head to bed, if I don't get enough rest the day before my meds knock me out cold.

J: Alright, I should probably get some sleep too. Talk to you tomorrow, Tyler!

T: Definitely. Night!

With that the screen of Tyler's phone faded to black, and he fell into his normal nightly routine before falling into bed, a smile on his face.

He had made a friend.


End file.
